Monday, December 28, 2009
He woke up and I quote "sicker than a dog" the next day.
Fucking asshole! (sorry I'm pissed)
He's never holding her again. . .
Sunday, December 27, 2009
To focus on the positive, it was a great first Christmas with our daughter. Yesterday marked one year since we found out we were pregnant after years of infertility. She got completely spoiled by her relatives. Her gifts by far outnumbered every one's. That's what happens when you're the first grandchild on both sides. She is so lucky to be so loved.
There's nothing quite like the holidays however to bring out loads of unsolicited parenting advice and critiques. Here are some of the comments we heard during Christmas eve, Christmas day, and the day after Christmas (yes, one more holiday dinner for DH's dad) and my silent-never-said-aloud-rebuttals:
1) "Are her eyes open? Don't go get her unless her eyes are open? Why are you going to go get her already? She's not crying." (said by multiple relatives in response to her waking up from a nap)
I wasn't going to get her just yet, but I can guarantee that she won't fall back to sleep after she has kicked out of her swaddle and is overdue for a feeding.
2) "Do you want him to comb his hair too?" (said by my FIL after asking if my BIL had washed his hands before holding my daughter)
No you big jerk! I don't want him to comb his hair too. I just want him to wash off his germy grime before touching her hands which go straight in her three month old mouth. And I would have appreciated if you would have washed yours before taking your finger and encircling her mouth while making strange noises in an attempt to play with her. Damn people! Keep your hands away from her face.
3) "When are you going to just put her down and let her cry?" (said while she was heard crying when my husband was trying to rock her to sleep)
The most annoying question of all. It is one I've asked myself and something I am considering doing soon. She is not quite four months yet and I don't feel comfortable doing it any sooner
than that. Oh, and by the way she won't just cry, she'll scream bloody murder and it's Christmas and I just don't want to hear it. So mind your own f-ing business people.
There were more, so many more I can't even remember. Relatives who never before got on my nerves suddenly do now that my child is involved. I'm so tired of ass-vice I could scream.
It bothers me the most when people think I am being paranoid about my daughter. I have been very proud of myself since I've become a mother. I use a burp cloth that falls on the floor. I don't wash her toys every day. I simply rinse of a paci that has fallen on the floor. I let my dog lick her. (This one was hard for me, but almost impossible to avoid.) I didn't freak out when I say a pink spot in her morning urine-soaked diaper. (I did call to be sure and found out it's concentrated urine from her going so long overnight without a feeding). Anyone who knows me or has even followed my other blog will know I am a worry wort. So I am very pleased with how I've responded to motherhood. Therefore it makes me so mad when people insinuate that I am being overprotective or too doting.
I'm sure this is just the beginning of everyone giving me their opinions. When someone questions your parenting it is insulting. I never knew just how much until I stand here on the other side. It's a totally new perspective for me.
I am so looking forward to our New Year's Day dinner with DH's family. . .
Monday, December 14, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
What is she up to now? Here are some of her newest developments:
1) The acid reflux made a comeback last week. I suspected we needed to up her dose of Zantac because it just wasn't working as well as it had before. The pedi on call (mine was out of town) upped it by .1ml. It got a little better after a week, but not as good as it was before. As soon as her doc got back he upped it another .1ml. We'll see if that does the trick. We had a couple really rough days where she was screaming after feeds again. Just as the colic was dwindling, this became an issue again. If it's not one thing it's another!
2) She actually played with a toy this week. She grabbed for it when I held it in her view and then she brought it to her mouth. Who knew this could be so exciting! She has also grabbed her toys in the play gym. She grabs for our faces and just wants to touch everything. She's interacting with her world so much more.
3) She still experiences meltdowns. They occur most when she is overtired and fights sleep, even when she is in our arms rocking or bouncing. Other times we can count on a screaming fit: after a bath, being put in her car seat or swing, or too much tummy time. Otherwise, if she is fed and not tired, she's pretty enjoyable to be around and we get lots of smiling and cooing.
4) Back arching is her newest trick. She does it now when she is being put down when she wants to be held, or if you are holding her the "wrong way" or if she is fighting sleep. It is a true showing of her strong personality.
The best part of it all is when she sees me across the room and smiles or thinks everything i do is funniest thing ever. She is becoming my biggest fan. It is so nice to finally get recognition and appreciation for all the work being a mom is. I know these moments will only grow and I can't wait. She is a treasure. More work than I ever imagined, but such a treasure.
Happy three month b-day Maddy!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
NIGHT SLEEP: I am almost afraid to type this for fear of jinxing everything. Maddy has been sleeping in her own crib all night for almost two weeks. I do her last feeding at 9, rock the hell out of her until 10 to make sure she is good and out and then DH comes in to do his master swaddle technique (I must not do it tight enough. On the nights I do it she wakes up for a middle of the night feed). Most nights she will sleep all the way until 7 or 8 in the morning. Now I know this goes against some experts who say that they should learn to fall asleep on their own and not on your breast or in a rocker. Well, screw those experts! A baby with colic is a different story. Anything you can do to calm them and get them sleeping through the night is pure gold. We'll fix bad habits later. I need my sleep now.
COLIC: Again, I'm afraid this whole post will jinx me. It is getting better. Far from completely over, but oh my gosh, so much better. The number of inconsolable meltdowns is dwindling. The fussiness remains but seems to be easier to remedy. Some days are still bad, but it seems the number of good days are growing.
NAPS: Tricky. She still has a hard time putting herself to sleep. She was born without an off switch. She always has to fuss herself to sleep, whether she is being held or not. The fussing isn't as bad when we're holding her. Putting her in her swing is torture for her. She screams like we've strapped her into a torture chamber. Sometimes she'll knock off for a few minutes and then wake up screaming again. I am getting so tired of rocking her to sleep for her 30 minute catnaps. If I don't she won't sleep during the day and be a bear at night. I've tried swings, swaddling, you name it. She still eats every two hours during the day, so by the time she gets to sleep, hunger wakes her up. Ugh! Any advice?
PERSONALITY: Yay! My favorite part. She is making way more eye contact now. She recognizes DH and I from across the room, looks at us when we talk to her, smiles at us. She coos and squeals with delight. She's absolutely adorable and so much more fun to be around. I am finally starting to see why people love babies. :)
Saturday, November 7, 2009
I do have to give her some credit. There are more good moments than bad in her days now and even though it is hard to get her down at night, once she is she sleeps for 6-8 hours. I hope by writing that I haven't jinxed myself. :) The smiles are coming more fast and furious and she almost giggles, most definitely squeals in delight. Newborns are so funny going from a smile to a frown to a smile again in the span of a few seconds. They are so immature. Poor things need more time in the womb.
We had her two month check up and first round of vaccinations yesterday. DH couldn't come with us due to a work convention, so my MIL came for moral support. It was fun for her because we are seeing the same pediatrician that her children did. She's recently retired and helps me out by coming over every Wednesday. I can get so much done around the house that I normally don't have time for. I'm grateful for the adult companionship.
Maddy looked great and we are sticking with the Zantac. I'm not sure if it's a coincidence or not, but once she started the meds is when she began sleeping more at night. I think the acidic reflux kept her from getting a restful sleep. She still has colic, but at least she's sleeping more.
Here are her stats:
Weight: 10 lbs. 12 oz (46%)
Length: 22 3/4" (69%)
Head Circumference: 15" (31%)
The shots were so sad. She had been doing great the whole appt. The doc was running late and she was just hanging out and not fussing the whole exam. Once it was nearing feeding time she lost it and started screaming right before the shots. The rota virus is given by mouth and the nurse told me not to feed her for 15 more minutes or she could spit it up. She was screaming like a banshee soon after from the injections. By the time we got to the car she had gotten so hysterical she threw up. There goes that vaccine. They said they won't repeat it, but she will get another dose at four months. Maybe some stayed down.
You know what I'm tired of? People who stare at you like you are some freakish mother because your baby is crying. It's a baby. They cry. Sometimes very loudly. I get most frustrated by other mothers who do it. They of all people should recognize that. Maybe they are the lucky ones with perfect angel babies. I'm just sick of it. I have to go out in public or I'll lose my mind. Deal with it people. Sorry had to vent.
Speaking of crying, I asked the doc when she'd find her "off switch." She is tired during the day but won't put herself to sleep. She fights it and gets herself really worked up to a screaming fit. It's a little better if she's in our arms versus her swing or bouncy, but not much unless we are sushing or rocking or bouncing her to sleep. The doc said he didn't mind her getting help from an apparatus to put her out, but didn't want us to become a human pacifier. I told him she'd get so worked up if we did that, it would take her passing out before she'd sleep. The doc just looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. I confirmed he wanted me to let her cry it out at two months old. The idea kind of didn't sit well with me. He told me as long as all her needs are met (fed, fresh diaper, etc) that she would not become a juvenile delinquent if I let her cry. I still don't really buy that line of thinking until they are at least three months old, but it's good to know that if we get completely frustrated we can just let her wail herself to sleep.
She is getting so much cuter now and I didn't even think that was possible. Her facial expressions are adorable and she interacts with us so much more. I see a light at the end of our colic tunnel. We still have some miles to go, but her smiles power us along.
Happy two month b-day baby!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Halloween was mostly just torturing (I mean dressing up) our baby and fur baby. Our dog has always been the same thing every year (one look will tell you why), so I thought why not dress Maddy as the same thing.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
"The pumpkin patch stinks!"
"Tummy time sucked!"
"Bath time blows!"
We got a prescription for Zantac. I do believe she is suffering from reflux in addition to her nightly colic. The pediatrician agreed and we started the medication last night. She absolutely hates the taste. I hear it takes a while to see a difference. We'll see.
"Don't expect me to smile."
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
We had been doing so well.
Maddy had had several good days in a row. By good days I mean her only screaming/fussing fits came in the evening and even those had been easy to calm. There were like four good days in a row. She went to sleep at 12 or 12:30 and slept almost five hours!
The last two days have not been good AT ALL! It has actually been some of her worst. Yesterday she screamed almost all morning, took a break in the afternoon, and then screamed all night. I was almost afraid she was sick. I think this is one of my biggest worries. She cries so much anyway, how am I supposed to know if she's sick? I love the one that says look out for vomiting and diarrhea. All her poos her whole little life look like diarrhea and as far as vomiting. . . . What is the difference between vomiting and spit up? I know they say projectile vomiting is bad when it flies across the room. Other than that is the rest spit up? So confusing. If it hadn't been for her periods of normalcy in the afternoon I would have been more concerned. Every time she screamed it came after I could hear bubbles of gas in her. She had no tolerance for pain yesterday.
The "meltdowns" as DH and I call them came after a busy weekend we had, which makes sense. We had my SIL over Friday, went to my MIL's and Target on Saturday, and on Sunday we went to the pumpkin patch and my MIL's again. She had had it by Sunday.
The pumpkin patch was cute. Too bad every picture we have of her her eyes are closed or she is screaming. I swear the first few months of her life will be documented by pictures of DH and I smiling and her crying. I want to get portraits done of her so bad, but not until she can look and a camera and not cry. . .maybe at four months? I think this is why I haven't gotten her birth announcement out. It's hard to find a good picture, which is sad because she's so cute in real life. I've decided I'm going to do Christmas cards slash announcements. I'm not good at doing those kinds of things anyway so I will kill two birds with one stone.
She will be 8 weeks on Friday. I'm hoping for more good days than bad in our future.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Last week after breastfeeding and burping I turned Maddy to face me. There she sat with her eyes wide open just staring at me with the most precious look you've ever seen. Normally, this would have been followed by a screaming cry and multiple attempts at soothing would occur. This time, she just sat there, staring. We both looked at each other thinking "What do we do now?"
I got excited. Could we play a little? I rushed her into the nursery and grabbed a book. I love books (I am a teacher after all)! She sat in my lap and stared at the pictures in The Runaway Bunny, and Goodnight Moon. What still awake and not crying? What next?
We had some tummy time. Here we had our normal fussiness. I thought this was the end of our peaceful moments together. I rolled her on to her back and the crying stopped. The cute staring began. A toy! Grab a toy for her! I shook a rattle in her view and she followed it in an arch all the way across to the other side of her body. OMG! She's smart! I really had no idea. All she does is cry.
She still fusses and cries most of the day, but I am encouraged during her times of peaceful alertness. We will get through this trying time. She will play more. She will sleep more. She will grow up. We will miss this someday.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
She decided to celebrate by rolling over during tummy time. She was her normal, screaming self and towards the end of the time on her belly she was getting pretty pissed. Next thing I know she had flung herself over onto her side and then onto her back. DH was there but he missed it. I'm sure it won't be recreated for a long time, but it was so surprising to see her do that. She's very strong. Everything is a wrestling match with her, diaper changes, breast feeding, swaddling, you name it. She has quite a personality.
So much has changed already. She can hold her head up for longer periods of time now. She has almost outgrown her newborn clothing and she can wear several of her 0-3 month outfits. We have graduated from newborn diapers to infant.
She still screams and cries in the late afternoon and evening. She is a high maintenance baby, but she is our baby and we love her to pieces. I can't believe she has been here for a month now.
Happy One Month B-Day Baby!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Maddy feel asleep on her own today!
I know, it shouldn't be a big deal, but it is. She has usually only been able to fall asleep in someone's arms after nursing, or in her swaddle. This morning after nursing, a diaper change, some time under her mobile in her crib, I put her in her bouncy seat to entertain her while I ate breakfast. She was doing fine looking at her toys and then soon she started to fuss, yawn and flail her appendages. I was just about to pick her up when I realized she was closing her eyes and then lo and behold she was asleep, on her own, after awake time! She usually has such a difficult time tuning out the world and getting to sleep on her own. I think this is why her colic is so much worse at night.
My DH is wonderful. He stays up with her until about one am while I get my nap starting around nine pm. He gives her a bottle of pumped breast milk so I can sleep. I think she is at her worst for him. I feel so sorry for him when he gets up for work the next morning. He's always been a night owl and stays up that long even before she came, but dealing with a screaming baby the whole time is different. He has really stepped up as a dad and a husband and I am so lucky he is by my side with this whole thing. I know some moms aren't as lucky and are left to deal with their babies all by themselves. We have always been great partners and have been through so much together. If we got through infertility together, we can definitely get through colic. We have some perspective.
Ooops, she's stirring. . . I better go!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Maddy is the cutest little baby in the world. At least her daddy and I think so. She has cheeks that make me want to kiss them all day. She makes the cutest little squeaks. She has the cutest facial expressions that make me laugh and remind her daddy of me. She is cute, cute, cute and we love her more than anything.
Moving on. . .
Not so cute. I'm pretty sure Maddy has it. She screams from about 9 to midnight. Sometimes we're lucky and it starts earlier, around dinner time. She has digestive issues I'm sure. She spits up all day and screams from gas pains. I feel so sorry for her, but it is so frustrating. Some days are good and I cherish those. Some days are not good and I dread those. She is four weeks old tomorrow. Only two weeks to go before it is the worst I hear and only 4-8 weeks until it is gone for good. I thought counting the weeks ended with pregnancy, but I guess not. I feel like I'm rushing her through life already. It's so hard. I feel like a bad mother when I read other's blogs that talk about how swimmingly their parenting is going and how their babies sleep through the night and coo and smile and entertain themselves. It has to get easier. I will hang in there.
I am so grateful to have her in our lives. Especially considering what we went through to get her. I just never realized how hard being a mom would be. Although I would never trade her for anything. I want to be realistic though. Motherhood can be difficult.
Welcome to my journey!