Thursday, January 6, 2011


Yesterday I went to my gyno.  I haven't seen him since six weeks after Maddy was born. My periods have come like clockwork once a month since April but they have been SO heavy.  Like wake up in a puddle of blood and gushing every time I stand up heavy.  I am pretty much out of commission for a 24 hour period when AF is in town.  Luckily the heavy days have never been when I'm working or I don't know what I'd do.  It got to the point I couldn't take it anymore.

I had a feeling what he would say.  I had a similar problem when I was 18 and it got so bad I needed a D&C and then was put on birth control pills.  BCP arent' really an option for me anymore with my high blood pressure.  That leaves an IUD to regulate my hormones.

The only problem with an IUD- it is also great birth control.  DH and I are not going to go through another IVF cycle to have children.  We are very aware this means we will only have one child.  Poor DH however holds out hope that we will miraculously conceive one month.  The odds of that are slim to none.  I know it and he knows it.  But he can still fantasize and hope that one little swimmer will make it.

Going on birth control however, puts the nail on the coffin.  It says I am totally giving up on having another child (at least a spontaneously occurring one).  I know I could always remove it and try IVF again if I really wanted to. 

If DH didn't want another this would make things so much easier.  It's ironic considering how indifferent he was to children before.  If we had one fine, if we didn't fine (before our IF diagnosis of course).  Now he would take a houseful and I'm the one who's done.

So I am feeling guilty for needing to use birth control.  He's not making me feel this way but I am.  It is so silly considering just how infertile we are.  Like we don't already have effective birth control now with IF.  Why not seal the deal and have lighter periods too?

Why am I making this so hard?