Thursday, June 24, 2010

Oh Breastfeeding. . .You tricky bitch!

Now I see why they tell you to never use formula when you are trying to establish your supply in the beginning of breastfeeding.

I am drying up as fast as the Sahara desert.

It started off with two bottles of formula a day- one mid morning and one before bed. The only time she BF any substantial amount was early morning. The rest of the day she would only nurse a few seconds and then push my boob away with a disgusted look right as I let down. Not fun. She'd then take a bottle of pumped milk instead. Finally she began to reject the breast even for her first morning feeding. So I started using more formula and I started pumping less because I was so NOT motivated. It was a slippery slope and soon I was only pumping three times a day and getting an ounce or two total each time. Without her actually sucking, my well is running dry.

My baby weaned herself. She doesn't want to BF anymore. :( I have mixed feelings. In one sense it's freeing, in another it is an end of an era, and a big pain in the ass because now the only way she's going to get breastmilk is if I pump.

Here's my new plan. I'll pump three times a day and give her whatever milk I can from this until there is no milk left or until we reach 11 months, whichever comes first. My bet is on drying up first. This plan will be hard to stick with. I honestly am not sure how long I'll continue. We'll see. . .

Part of me wants to just throw in the towel.

Is that bad?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

A Simple Errand

It should have been a simple errand to BRU.

I should have remembered nothing is simple anymore.

Snag #1- Maddy is a beast today. If these top teeth don't come in soon, I'm going to reach in there and pull them out myself. Sad, pitiful, pouty mouth crying for three days on and off.

Snag #2- Must walk to the guest parking spaces at the other end of your condo development (about 1/8 mile- oh yeah, guest parking here sucks)because we have three cars and two assigned spots. The third car is in one of the spots because the battery ran low this morning and DH needed it close to fix it. Get the stroller out of the garage and start hiking.

Snag #3- BRU (I hate that place.)

Snag #4- I put Maddy in the Bjorn to shop because she is less fussy when she can look around and see everything. (I still haven't found a shopping cart cover that works universally. Such a pain.) Then I smell poo.

Snag #5- Get back to the car and realize the poo has leaked out of the diaper, on her pants and on the Bjorn. Thankfully the carrier soaked up most of the poo sparing my outfit.

Snag #6- As I'm opening the back hatch door to change her, rusty leftover rain water leaks down all over us. I honestly don't know where it came from or why it happened at that moment and not earlier that day.

Snag #7- Search the diaper bag for a change of clothes and realize DH put them in the other bag that he carries when I am not around. (He's not comfortable with the new shiny Coach one he got me for my birthday). Strip of pants. Leave on onesie- It will have to do.

No folks, nothing is simple anymore.

Monday, June 14, 2010

I'm Back

Wow! I've been a slacker lately. School is finally out for summer and I have more time on my hands. Today is my first official day off. I love it.

Maddy had her 9 month appt a week ago and has officially moved from the 2% to the 3%! (hee,hee) She weighed 15 lbs 3 oz. I had a mental goal of 15 pounds so I was pleased. We also started formula last week. Two bottles a day, one in the morning and one at night. I still breast feed and pump in between so it is not saving me any time and is not any more convenient. If anything it is more of a pain because I have to pump more often. I do feel better bulking up her fat and calories. I also felt this huge sense of relief when I realized she'd drink it. I was so afraid she'd reject it. It was like, finally all of the nutritional burden is not on me anymore. I guess it hasn't all been anyway with solids, but still. . . We'll see if this helps her weight gain. I've decided to continue BF until our vacation in August and then I'm done. I'll celebrate her 11 month b-day with a final breastfeeding session. And then. I'm. done.

She is still not crawling but has mastered moving around by dragging her lower half with her arms. She pushes off with her toes too and can move pretty darn fast across the room. It is time to baby proof. That will be my goal this week. You realize how fast something can happen. Kinda scary!

We will be going on our first boat ride with Maddy this weekend. My parents have a patio boat that we will be out on for Father's Day. I also need to shop for a life vest. My family has been boating all our lives and we'll see how Maddy takes to the open water. She'll probably love it until nap time and then I'm not sure what we'll do seeing as how she never naps on the go. That should be interesting. DH and I have decided on a strict policy of the life vest on her the moment we get out of car upon arrival until the moment she gets back in the car to leave. Safety first as my dad says. I'm also looking forward to the Father's Day gift I (Maddy) made for DH. I did a cheesy video montage with pictures of the two of them. I will post it here as soon as he sees it. I think it turned out pretty good, but I'm biased.

I went to a fun bachelorette (my spell checker is not helping me with this one) party last weekend. It was my first night away from Maddy. I felt confident in DH's abilities and was able to have a good time despite missing my baby. Seven out of nine guests were lactating so we had a little pumping party in the hotel room before dinner. We've all been friends since high school and it is fun to share this part of my life with them too. Let's just say that's not what we all used to do before going out for the night. :)

Later this month DH and I both will leave Maddy for the night with her grandma and grandpa when we go to said friend's wedding. That will be harder to do, but I am looking forward to a night out with DH. I never wanted to leave her until I was sure she could get through the night without a feeding. I didn't want to burden people with that.

Baby is up from her nap. I'm off to the races!