Exhibit A and B and. . .

I told you she was a crier (luckily a cute crier):

"The pumpkin patch stinks!"


"Tummy time sucked!"


"Bath time blows!"

We got a prescription for Zantac. I do believe she is suffering from reflux in addition to her nightly colic. The pediatrician agreed and we started the medication last night. She absolutely hates the taste. I hear it takes a while to see a difference. We'll see.

I'm hoping for some more pictures like these soon. You know, the kind with her eyes open and not crying:

"Thanks for the diaper change."

"Don't expect me to smile."

"Thank goodness we're leaving. Did I mention how much the pumpkin patch stinks?"

And maybe if we're really lucky we can get more like this:

"This is as good as it's gonna get for a while folks"

One Step Forward. . .

Two steps back.

We had been doing so well.

Maddy had had several good days in a row. By good days I mean her only screaming/fussing fits came in the evening and even those had been easy to calm. There were like four good days in a row. She went to sleep at 12 or 12:30 and slept almost five hours!

The last two days have not been good AT ALL! It has actually been some of her worst. Yesterday she screamed almost all morning, took a break in the afternoon, and then screamed all night. I was almost afraid she was sick. I think this is one of my biggest worries. She cries so much anyway, how am I supposed to know if she's sick? I love the one that says look out for vomiting and diarrhea. All her poos her whole little life look like diarrhea and as far as vomiting. . . . What is the difference between vomiting and spit up? I know they say projectile vomiting is bad when it flies across the room. Other than that is the rest spit up? So confusing. If it hadn't been for her periods of normalcy in the afternoon I would have been more concerned. Every time she screamed it came after I could hear bubbles of gas in her. She had no tolerance for pain yesterday.

The "meltdowns" as DH and I call them came after a busy weekend we had, which makes sense. We had my SIL over Friday, went to my MIL's and Target on Saturday, and on Sunday we went to the pumpkin patch and my MIL's again. She had had it by Sunday.

The pumpkin patch was cute. Too bad every picture we have of her her eyes are closed or she is screaming. I swear the first few months of her life will be documented by pictures of DH and I smiling and her crying. I want to get portraits done of her so bad, but not until she can look and a camera and not cry. . .maybe at four months? I think this is why I haven't gotten her birth announcement out. It's hard to find a good picture, which is sad because she's so cute in real life. I've decided I'm going to do Christmas cards slash announcements. I'm not good at doing those kinds of things anyway so I will kill two birds with one stone.

She will be 8 weeks on Friday. I'm hoping for more good days than bad in our future.

What Now?

The times they are a changing. . .

Last week after breastfeeding and burping I turned Maddy to face me. There she sat with her eyes wide open just staring at me with the most precious look you've ever seen. Normally, this would have been followed by a screaming cry and multiple attempts at soothing would occur. This time, she just sat there, staring. We both looked at each other thinking "What do we do now?"

I got excited. Could we play a little? I rushed her into the nursery and grabbed a book. I love books (I am a teacher after all)! She sat in my lap and stared at the pictures in The Runaway Bunny, and Goodnight Moon. What still awake and not crying? What next?

We had some tummy time. Here we had our normal fussiness. I thought this was the end of our peaceful moments together. I rolled her on to her back and the crying stopped. The cute staring began. A toy! Grab a toy for her! I shook a rattle in her view and she followed it in an arch all the way across to the other side of her body. OMG! She's smart! I really had no idea. All she does is cry.

She still fusses and cries most of the day, but I am encouraged during her times of peaceful alertness. We will get through this trying time. She will play more. She will sleep more. She will grow up. We will miss this someday.

One Month

Last weekend Maddy turned one month old.

She decided to celebrate by rolling over during tummy time. She was her normal, screaming self and towards the end of the time on her belly she was getting pretty pissed. Next thing I know she had flung herself over onto her side and then onto her back. DH was there but he missed it. I'm sure it won't be recreated for a long time, but it was so surprising to see her do that. She's very strong. Everything is a wrestling match with her, diaper changes, breast feeding, swaddling, you name it. She has quite a personality.

So much has changed already. She can hold her head up for longer periods of time now. She has almost outgrown her newborn clothing and she can wear several of her 0-3 month outfits. We have graduated from newborn diapers to infant.

She still screams and cries in the late afternoon and evening. She is a high maintenance baby, but she is our baby and we love her to pieces. I can't believe she has been here for a month now.

Happy One Month B-Day Baby!

It's the Small Things

(First off, thanks for continuing (or starting) to follow my new blog. I am looking forward to having a place to spew my thoughts.)

Maddy feel asleep on her own today!

I know, it shouldn't be a big deal, but it is. She has usually only been able to fall asleep in someone's arms after nursing, or in her swaddle. This morning after nursing, a diaper change, some time under her mobile in her crib, I put her in her bouncy seat to entertain her while I ate breakfast. She was doing fine looking at her toys and then soon she started to fuss, yawn and flail her appendages. I was just about to pick her up when I realized she was closing her eyes and then lo and behold she was asleep, on her own, after awake time! She usually has such a difficult time tuning out the world and getting to sleep on her own. I think this is why her colic is so much worse at night.

My DH is wonderful. He stays up with her until about one am while I get my nap starting around nine pm. He gives her a bottle of pumped breast milk so I can sleep. I think she is at her worst for him. I feel so sorry for him when he gets up for work the next morning. He's always been a night owl and stays up that long even before she came, but dealing with a screaming baby the whole time is different. He has really stepped up as a dad and a husband and I am so lucky he is by my side with this whole thing. I know some moms aren't as lucky and are left to deal with their babies all by themselves. We have always been great partners and have been through so much together. If we got through infertility together, we can definitely get through colic. We have some perspective.

Ooops, she's stirring. . . I better go!

The "C" Words

Let's start with the positive.

Cute.

Maddy is the cutest little baby in the world. At least her daddy and I think so. She has cheeks that make me want to kiss them all day. She makes the cutest little squeaks. She has the cutest facial expressions that make me laugh and remind her daddy of me. She is cute, cute, cute and we love her more than anything.

Moving on. . .

Colic

Not so cute. I'm pretty sure Maddy has it. She screams from about 9 to midnight. Sometimes we're lucky and it starts earlier, around dinner time. She has digestive issues I'm sure. She spits up all day and screams from gas pains. I feel so sorry for her, but it is so frustrating. Some days are good and I cherish those. Some days are not good and I dread those. She is four weeks old tomorrow. Only two weeks to go before it is the worst I hear and only 4-8 weeks until it is gone for good. I thought counting the weeks ended with pregnancy, but I guess not. I feel like I'm rushing her through life already. It's so hard. I feel like a bad mother when I read other's blogs that talk about how swimmingly their parenting is going and how their babies sleep through the night and coo and smile and entertain themselves. It has to get easier. I will hang in there.

I am so grateful to have her in our lives. Especially considering what we went through to get her. I just never realized how hard being a mom would be. Although I would never trade her for anything. I want to be realistic though. Motherhood can be difficult.

Welcome to my journey!