Dear Teething

You're a bitch and I hate you.

You have ruined my happy little baby. You know, the one I waited all through colic for? You just rush in with your puddles of drool, red cheeks, fussing and no sleep.

You're such a tease. Rising to the surface only to stop and prolong the misery. You've ruined all the sleep training I've done.

You bite. You make my baby bite. And chomp on everything and anything. No amount of chilled rings or Tylenol can ease your pain.

Who needs you anyway? We don't. Go away. We'll get a pair of baby dentures. I'm sure I can get a hold of some.

You suck and I hate you.