What I am Going to Get Tired of Hearing. . .

But first, what I love to hear. . .

"Oh your baby is so cute!"

Followed by what I am going to get tired of hearing. . .

"She's so tiny though."

Thanks.

Let's Play a Game

It's called

"Let's Fuck With Mommy's Sanity"

Ready?

Let's play.

What do you do when your baby is skinny and you feel guilty?

Answer: Double her serving of oatmeal. She loves it!

**BEEP**

Wrong!

What do you do when your baby gets anal fissures from constipation due to her new serving?

Answer: Cut out oatmeal for a week to get her back on track.

**BEEP**

Wrong again!

What happens when you cut out oatmeal?

Answer: You get raging acid reflux.

**DING DING**

Right!

What happens when you get raging acid reflux?

Answer: No sleep.

**DING DING**

Right again!

What happens when you get no sleep?

Answer: I become a raging bitch.

**DING-SHITTY-DING DING**

You win!

Your prize- a never ending clusterfuck.

*****************************

Really, I had no idea how much her oatmeal must have been keeping her reflux under control. Couple that with a Prilosec refill that was coming due and you get a very unhappy baby. Last night she'd spit up then scream. She was more worked up then I've seen her in awhile. As I was rocking her I started brainstorming what had been so different the past two days. The only thing I could come up with was that I stopped giving her oatmeal.

We got a new refill last night and this morning I started a very small dose of oatmeal again. So far she has been fighting her morning nap with a passion. I'm going out to dinner tonight with friends. I'm sure she'll be an angel for DH. She always is. Does that ever happen to anyone else? Your babies are cranky for you but angels for other people?

And It Just Keeps Getting Better*

(* That is my attempt at sarcasm)

Yesterday I was sleep deprived for the first time in months. We went to a concert the night before. My mom babysat and we didn't get her home, fed and into bed until 2 am (she slept earlier in the evening at my mom's). I got five hours of sleep but it wasn't enough.

DH worked from home and I took the day off. It was a cozy rainy day. I put a roast in the crock pot for french dip sandwiches and we started a fire. It was going to be a nice relaxing day. . .

Do you see where I'm going with this?

When Maddy first woke up yesterday she had a nice big poopy diaper. Two days before she had had a firmer stool than usual so I was glad to see she was back to normal. I had upped her serving of oatmeal two weeks ago and since then I had noticed firmer poo, still regular, but firmer.

After her morning nap I heard her go again. This time it was runnier and slightly greener. I thought, huh isn't that interesting, twice in one day again.

After her breastmilk lunch I heard more squirts. Now it was mucus green with tinges of pink mucus too.

Great.

I would have freaked out more, but she was in such a good mood yesterday. She slept, ate and played well.

I emailed my doctor and he wasn't too concerned. I swear this man doesn't get concerned about ANYTHING. He thought it might be from cracked nipples. Um, okay. . .but my nipples aren't' cracked! Whatever. Thanks for all the help.

I called my friend who also has dealt with bloody diapers. Her son has a milk protein allergy. She was super informative and together we decided it probably wasn't an allergy because those usually show up much earlier than almost six months. It could have been the scary intussuception (a type of bowl obstruction), but she had no abdominal pain and no "currant jelly" stools. It could be anal fissures.

The fourth diaper of the day had even more blood mixed with green seedy stool.

Ugh!

The fifth diaper had . . .you guessed it. . .even more blood.

Shit (no pun intended).

I had had it, by now it was after hours so I phoned the on call nurse. She consulted with the doctor who thought because she was acting normally it could wait until an early morning
appointment the following day. She let me know to call back if she started hemorrhaging from her anus. Thanks for the tip.

I call my friend back who is way more helpful than any doctor or nurse by the way. I learn more from other mothers and the Internet than I ever learned from any doctor. She told me to spread apart her butt hole and use a flashlight to see any evidence of cuts. I tried it before bed and I was relieved to see a small red cut at the opening of the anus. It looked irritated. I slept better after that. So did she. She went a solid eight hours, had a bite to eat and then slept four more until I had to get her up for our appt.

So this morning in the car on the way to the doctor she shats. It is so smelly DH and I can hardly stand it. No blood in this diaper but a whole lot of runny shit. The doctor finds the anal fissure (which looks way better and more healed than last night) and tells us to put Vaseline or A+D on it. So what's with the poopfest? He has no idea and doesn't really care. Shocking!

I am cutting out the oatmeal for a week to let her little digestive system get back on track. When I reintroduce it, I will go back to the smaller serving. I think the extra iron was backing her up and causing the tear.

I still don't know why she has been pooping so much. Maybe she has a little bug. Who knows? I just don't want that scary bleeding to come back.

First comes colic, next comes reflux, then comes teething (which I have yet to actually see any), now bloody diapers.

I'm not really digging this infant stage.

Make It or Take It

Baby food.

What to do?

To be completely honest, I don't want to make my own. I feel like a bad mom for feeling this way. Aren't I supposed to be doing what is best? Is homemade really best or just the less expensive option? There are so many options now in the store, like organic for instance. Is it really worth the work? We don't even own a food processor so we'd have to invest in one of those or one made exclusively for baby food.

I think I am feeling guilty because it feels like everyone around me IRL and in the blogosphere is making their own. I think this has something to do with the women I follow. Most of them are determined, intelligent, driven women who have been lucky enough to kick infertility's ass and are now kicking ass as a mom. Why don't I feel like kicking ass and making baby food? I kicked ass and breastfed. Still am. I guess I just don't feel that passionate about baby food. I feel lazy instead.

So, to all of you out there who do make their own baby food, why do you do it? What is your motivation? Are you looking to save some money? Do you not like the idea of jar food? Share your thoughts please. . .

Dear Teething

You're a bitch and I hate you.

You have ruined my happy little baby. You know, the one I waited all through colic for? You just rush in with your puddles of drool, red cheeks, fussing and no sleep.

You're such a tease. Rising to the surface only to stop and prolong the misery. You've ruined all the sleep training I've done.

You bite. You make my baby bite. And chomp on everything and anything. No amount of chilled rings or Tylenol can ease your pain.

Who needs you anyway? We don't. Go away. We'll get a pair of baby dentures. I'm sure I can get a hold of some.

You suck and I hate you.

Five Months

How did that happen?

Oh wait, I remember, very slowly at first. I swore she would scream and cry the rest of her life. I thought my baby would be the one who would never outgrow colic, never smile and never, ever, laugh. I'm proud to say we have overcome! Things got much better around the four month mark. Is life "perfect" with a five month old? Yes, and no. It's perfect because I have a five month old. It's not because, well, she's five months old. Here's what she's up to now. . .

Crying- Waaaaay less. She cries now if she is overtired or hungry. She no longer cries in her carseat (unless she is said overtired), after a bath, or during tummy time.

Smiling- Waaaay more. She can be such a ham with people. She doesn't mind being passed around and flirts a little closed mouth smile with most everyone she meets. She is not a big laugher though. You have to work really hard just to get a short chuckle. I wish she'd do it more.

Sleeping- It's okay. She still wakes up once a night for food, usually around 1 or 2 am. The stretch after the feeding has gotten longer. The last week or so she doesn't need to eat again until 6 or 7 am. So for now I don't mind the nightly feeding. I am considering working to drop it all together at six months. Naps are okay too. She wakes up like clockwork after her first 40 minute sleep cycle so we are working on getting her to go back to sleep after. This is where the crying usually occurs. She is still tired, but can't get back to sleep.

Eating- She is a "power eater" this girl can nurse like nobody's business. She eats so fast that I am afraid she is not getting anything, so I keep trying to shove her back on only to have her spit up copious amounts after the feed. She really only needs 10-15 (though more like just 10) to get enough. That's about 5-7 minutes per boob. I've realized now that is just how she eats and I need to be grateful and get over it already. She can go 3-4 hours now without eating. It's amazing that my life doesn't revolve around feedings anymore. She is still eating oatmeal twice a day. I will stick with just this solid for another month, then I will move on to veggies.

Pooping- Much less now. Every 2-3 days. I've heard it slows down anyway about this time. I think it was a coincidence that we started cereal around the same time. She is not constipated and never really was. She just goes less. She farts at every feeding though. Man can she let 'em rip! I find it hilarious.

Developing- I am in awe at all the things she can do now. She is so strong. She rolls both ways easily. She wants to reach and grab and put everything in her mouth (especially her new-found feet). When she is on her tummy she tucks both legs underneath her and raises up on them. If her upper body were stronger she'd be close to crawling, but thakfully she is not. She does most of her "talking" (babbling, shrieking) when she is tired. We found a "Jumperoo" on craigslist for cheap. She gets frustrated in it because she wants to put all the toys in her mouth but she can't reach that far. She still has no idea how to jump in it. So far I'm glad I did not pay full price.

More Sleep- We still swaddle her for sleep. We still velcro her swaddle to her wedge so she can not roll and wake herself up (as evidenced by the picture above). I worry about the day she can no longer (or no longer wants to be) swaddled. She is so crazy with her rolling. I can't see her ever calming down long enough to fall asleep. Not to mention the limbs that go flying out through the bars and the head baning. You see I am paranoid and afraid of those "deadly" bumpers. I see some sleepless nights in our future. . .

Oh and I have a cold. Thanks a lot first graders. Breastfeeding, you better pay off with all your "immunity" powers. . .

Five months!

Our life has changed.

Our life is better.

I see now why people like their children. :)